Shredding Meat aka: Shredding Any Ounce of Dignity You've Ever Had

DAY ONE! Time to do some cooking! I decided to devote January and February to improving my cooking skills - so last night I created my first, reformed meal.

So I climbed up on top of my counters (really) while my son Houston sat on the floor, thumping tupperware with a wooden spoon, casually glancing up at me as if saying to himself, what the hell is she doing now? I hauled the ol' crock pot down from the top shelf of the corner cupboard and nearly fell backwards onto the hardwood floor trying to get my post-baby-body ass back onto the ground. (Side note: any other mommies out there lose all sense of grace and poise when they had their babies? I STILL feel like a bumbling idiot sometimes!). Houston startled as I nearly came crashing down beside him... then went back to banging. Crisis averted.

I flipped my laptop around to face me and carefully followed the two whopping directions for "Slow Cooker Barbeque" from allrecipes.com:

Directions

1. Place roast into slow cooker. Sprinkle with garlic powder and onion powder, and season with salt and pepper. Pour barbeque sauce over meat. Cook on Low for 6 to 8 hours.
2. Remove meat from slow cooker, shred, and return to slow cooker. Cook for 1 more hour. Serve hot.

I thumped the roast in the pot, wondering what those strings were for that were tied around my meat. So I typed, "Do you cut off the strings on a roast?" into google, and welp, what do you know? You leave 'em on there! Things were going great - I sprinkled the spices onto the roast with the nonchalance of Rachel Ray, and dumped the barbeque sauce on with the finesse of Julia Child.... cooking isn't so hard after all! 

... then 6 hours later passed.

After texting my mother in law, I realized that my next task of shredding may be a bit more involved that I thought. She told me to use two forks and just pull the meat apart, but my meat had so much fat, that I had to really PULL the forks apart with all my graceful strength. Obviously it eventually ripped apart, with such a sudden unexpected tear that the two pieces sloshed to the edges of the pot and barbeque and meat juices and liquid fat went flying across the counter and my apron-less shirt! Note to self: invest in an apron. I was literally SWEATING by the time I was done shredding the meat and cutting fat out of the meat. But finally, I was done. The meat cooked for another hour and we ate it over cheap Target hamburger buns. Not bad for a first meal - we both gave it a 6.5 out of 10, and Justin even said he'd eat it again some day. 

The crock pot is still sitting in the sink, as I type, a layer of Dial and juices floating for the past 24 hours. But hey, I don't want to shock the system too early. My cleaning focus will be in March or something. Try the recipe yourself and let me know how YOU do: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Slow-Cooker-Barbeque/Detail.aspx